Cover up those tatts, baby!

I found out today that our employee policy manual is being updated. It will officially ban visible tattoos on staff. Since I am the only one with multiple, visible tattoos, I was notified in private before the updated manual goes public. (I guess I need to re-think inking "Regular" over my right boob and "Unleaded" over my left boob.)

My supervisor, bless her heart, approached the subject with great trepidation. (Perception: tattooed people are scary. Reality: I can be when provoked, she-lion that I am.) My boss broke the news to me after a glowing annual job performance review. Good timing on her part since I was in a very festive mood. After explaining that the policy manual "had not been updated in YEARS" and that "OTHER items needed updating as well", my boss explained the new rule. All visible tattoos must be covered up when employees are doing business outside of the office, such as field visits, chapter meetings, public lynchings, etc. The latter part was just my snarky inference.

"Employees" in the new rule I think means mostly me, but for litigious reasons, it cannot single me out. However, my sweet natured boss quickly conceded that I can have my tattoos visible when I am in the office. In other words, when I am safely tucked away in my office, located waaaaaay in the back of the building's second floor. This probably means with my door closed and blinds shut, too. Then if, and only if, I need to emerge from the confines my my office (potty break, beat some copies out of the Xerox machine, get water for my meds) I may consider a stylish sweater or jacket.

Quite honestly, I'm not upset about this new rule. (See, Dr. Devegvar! The increased dosage works!) I find it amusing that some people find body art, which I started collecting on my 30th birthday, so distasteful. About 15 years ago when I first started this job, I attended an industry workshop with tattoo in plain sight. One workshop participant actually wrote these words on the program evaluation:

"Tattoos should be hidden and not flaunted!"

Of course, this person did not leave his or her name on the evaluation. Tattooed people are very scary, after all.

The Going Green Blues

When I was a kid alpha amphibian Kermit the Frog lamented that, "it's tough being green..." Fast forward 30+ years and everyone is "going green".

I am not against saving the planet. After all, without Mother Earth we'd be homeless. (You don't see any Sunday Open House signs on the moon.) I dutifully bring my cloth shopping bags with me to the grocery store. I recycle my empty soda bottles. I even use all-natural, biodegradable pine kitty litter. What I find irritating is the proliferation of eco-jargon.

So many individuals and businesses claim to be green or are going green. Just what that means depends on what's being sold or what they want you to believe. Honestly, the last time I "went green" was after eating a bad shrimp quesedilla at a Mexican restaurant.

Sustainability is another eco-buzz word making the rounds. On a personal level, sustainability means staying awake past 9:00 p.m. I don't even understand what a carbon footprint is, but it you track one into my kitchen, I will be seeing red.