Don't be a Meanie! Don't ban the Weenie!

Today, the Outdoor Circle in our fair city is calling for a ban on the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile saying its presence is a violation of the City's billboard advertising law. I got two words for you uptight tree hugging, granola grinding, Birkenstock wearing, raging aging hippies: BITE ME!

These are the same folks who mandated soda machines facing public areas to be "masked" so those nasty brand names would not be visible. I'm sure it cost businesses a chunk of change to retro-fit all their vending machines with generic facades, but hey, it's all about aesthetics.

Now I wasn't happy when the Wienermobile stood me up earlier this month. (Alright, I admit I got the dates wrong in my head, but that's beside the point.) But the one thing that struck me when I finally did see said Wienermobile was how small it was. I was expecting some mammoth, tank-sized wiener on wheels. What I saw was not much bigger than a cargo van or maybe a flat bed truck. It was definately not some environmentally offensive behemouth that some want you to believe.

But, Outdoor Circle-ites argue that the Wienermobile is a moving billboard. Well, I say those ginormous Polynesian Cultural Center tour buses are still-frame IMAXs on wheels. Not so, say the tree hugging ohana, the main purpose of those buses is transportation. Sure, they transport unsuspecting tourists to spend untold dollars at their final destination, but doing so in a huge full-color postcard with three foot tall letters spelling out the name of business is advertising, pure and simple. The granola gang argues that the Wienermobile's sole purpose is advertising. Not so fast my fur phobic friends. The Wienermobile transports Oscar Mayer representatives to their jobs so they can spread the gospel of processed meat at supermarkets in a neighborhood near you.

All this is just plain ridiculous. I am not advocating the proliferation of actual billboards nor do I think the Outdoor Circle is completely irrelevant. But I think people need to be more selective in picking their protests. If you want to get rid of ugly eyesores in our fair city, I say ban all political signage during election season. Just leave the rolling hot dog alone, please.