Out of the jury pool, into the sea of humanity

Today I appeared in court for jury duty, fulfilling my obligation as a proud citizen of this country, resident of this state, and because fear of a bench warrant kept my rebellious nature in check.

This was only my second time as a potential juror. The first time - some 13 years ago - ended quickly as it began. I was newly pregnant among four similarly endowed women in the jury pool. After hearing three pregnancy related sob stories, the judge dismissed me with a wave of his hand before I could even finish my tale of morning sickness woe. This time, I had no such excuse.

Today's jury selection process involved such a hodge-podge of humanity. If this was supposed to be a jury of peers, just what exactly did it say about the plaintiff in the case? I'm sure some looked at me as an aging goth, but others would have been difficult for me to sit with in a closed room, let alone deliberate a verdict.

There was the perky substitute teacher whose sunny disposition made Mary Poppins look like a suicidal emo. If she wasn't grinning, she was giggling while I sat next to her suppressing the urge to gag. Then came macho guy with attitude who was quickly dispatched to the bench for a whispered dressing-down by the judge. As if by some cosmic retribution, Mr. Macho and his attitude ended up in among the final 12 jurors.

But my favorite jury pool compadre was the tall, curvy brunette who tossed back her full head of curly hair and told the judge, "Your Honor, I'm getting married on Saturday (insert pause for drama) and start chemotherapy on Monday." The judge bought it and frankly, I would have excused her too, whether her statement was true or not. She gets kudos for creativity, delivery, and stage presence.

The whole jury selection was a long, drawn out process which thankfully for me, ended before lunch. When the 12 jurors were seated along with the alternates I was ecstatic. I didn't have to feign mental illness as one friend urged. I didn't have to bring up the fact that I have an unfinished root canal that needs attention this week. And I didn't have to faint from hunger, which was quickly becoming an issue as the morning wore on.

I am done with jury duty for now. Tagged and released from the jury pool into the sea of humanity. And if my track record holds, it will be another decade before I am summoned again. Just look for the crazy old lady dressed in black.