Conversations Through The Bathroom Door

It never fails. As soon as I enter the inner sanctuary known as my bathroom, I am interrupted by one or both kids plus the cat. They could ignore me all day, but as soon as that bathroom door closes and I am busy, they have urgent needs that must be met.

"Mom?" the daughter asks through the door.

No answer from me.

"Mom!" the voice rises.

If I ignore her, she might go away. No such luck.

"Mom! Why don't you answer me? I know you're in there!"

Such a keen, analytical mind.

If I give in and answer, her urgent need is usually benign, "Can I turn on the TV?" or "I'm hungry, and there's nothing to eat." Sometimes the daughter just feels like drawing pictures, shoving them under the door, and demanding a critique of her art. I wonder if Picasso's mom had the same problem.

If my son wants to get attention, his latest mode of communication is "screamo". For the uninitiated, the sound of screamo can best be described as the sound a mountain lion would make if it sat on a nail. Although screamo is a method of post-Gothic rock singing (and I use the word singing loosely) that's how my son communicates in non-musical situations.

The bathroom door closes. I start to relax. Suddenly:

Son: "YEEEEEAAAOOWWW!" Followed by a deep, guttural intonation of, "MUM! CAN I TURN ON THE COMPUTER?"

Me: Sure, after you get that nail of the mountain lion's ass.

Son: "YEEEEEAAAOOWWW!"

Me: Good job. Now set it free and turn on the computer.

Of course, my own mountain lion (a.k.a. my lazy cat) has his way of communicating through the bathroom door. Five minutes after I close the door, I hear, "THUMP! SCRAAAAATCH! MEOW?" Since my bathroom is also the cat's "room" I have to let him in. Sometimes he's looking for stray kibble. Other times, nature calls and it's a visit to the litter box. Then there are times he just wants to hang out with me. Or get away from the kids. Either way, I end up with a 25 pound cat sitting next to the toilet, staring at me with big green eyes.

I seriously need a sound-proof bathroom. A Class-5 Vault Door would be nice, too. They'd still find a way, though. They always do.